Blog

“Too often in life, something happens and we blame other people for us not being happy or satisfied or fulfilled. So the point is, we all have choices, and we make the choice to accept people or situations or to not accept situations.”

This is a powerful quote indeed, with great advice on living a simpler yet happier life without blame. To whom do we owe this wisdom? A scholar? A guru? A philosopher? It’s actually famous quarterback Tom Brady.

Blame can easily become one of the greatest obstacles to a happy existence. The tendency to blame others for things we have and don’t want or want and don’t have. People often blame others for the way we feel, the way we think or even the way we act.

When we focus on blaming others we give away our power to them. We begin to believe that everything is out of our control and on the shoulders of others. We are then in danger of letting things spiral into periods of helplessness or unhappiness. When we see something as someone else’s fault we either become absorbed in feeling anger towards them (which is exhausting), wait for them to do something to fix it (which may never come) or both of these things.

Blame is one of those mechanisms that acts as a quick fix. We may feel temporarily better by being able to say “it is not my fault” but that relief is fleeting and ultimately does nothing to improve our situation.

Blame Is Not As Important As The Solution

Of course some things will be the fault of others. This message is not to say that we must take on every burden ourselves and accept it when others do wrong by us. The idea is to get away from the idea of blame all together. Is it important whose fault something is, or is it more important what comes next?

Blame is a trap that can get us stuck in time and place, as well as breed negativity towards others and the world around us. Instead of living in the problem, live in the solution. Don’t focus on the negative but look for the positive and where you can contribute. If you live in the solution, the problem will be shorter lived and better resolved.

Parents: This is a classic case where leading by example will be far more powerful than telling them what to do. The next time someone in your life forgets something or makes an error will be a chance to show your children healthy reactions. Don’t make it a bigger deal than it is and don’t focus on who made the mistake. Show your children what you will do to help solve it. When you react calmly and rationally and move on it will not only set a good example, but be better for your own well-being.

Teens: Blame is a reaction, not an emotion. It is natural to look for explanations and the instinct to blame is part of the human experience. What we should all strive to do is live life in a less reactive mode and remember that we have control over how we act. After the initial feeling of being wronged, or getting a bad deal, move on and do what you can to fix the situation. Blame keeps us still, taking action moves us forward. So take a lesson from the great Tom Brady, don’t cast blame and make the choice to fix your problems.